Strong families are built on solid foundations of love, understanding, and communication.  Parents who step up to the challenge of building a family foundation do so with foresight and thought.  Often times they have written family policies or constitutions that define member roles and outline individual rights and responsibilities that support family values.  One way to accomplish this is by writing a family constitution.  

Constitutions are agreements between groups of people that serve to organize their interactions and roles and that define the rights and responsibilities of each member.  Most people think of constitutions that govern nations of people, but business or charity organizations, religious entities, and even families live by constitutions.  The less formal the group of people, the less likely the constitution will be in a written or well-defined format.

Successful groups recognize the need for continuity and definition and are most likely to put thought and effort into writing a formal constitution.  Successful families certainly fit in this category. 

Groundwork and Foundation

In early publications of this Parenting column, Aisha Al Hajjar wrote many articles that serve as the groundwork for family constitutions.^* I’d like to add reference to important religious foundations that should be the building blocks of Muslim family constitutional responsibilities.  The following list is derived from the work of Sheikh Najib Al Amir:

1. Every family member shall perform their salat (daily prayers) on time.
2. Everyone should behave as if Allah (SWT) is watching their actions.
3. The Prophet Mohammed (SAWS) is our role model and we should follow his example.
4. We should sincerely love one another and make private dua (prayer) for each other.
5. We should share our experience and knowledge with each other.
6. We should consider ourselves as one team and should encourage each other in good and discourage bad behaviors.
7. We should be patient and understanding and avoid anger when dealing with each other.
8. We should eliminate selfishness and “me only” attitudes and keep positive dialogue.
9. We should specify family time to study deen (religion) together to strengthen our ties to Allah and between our family members.
10. Every individual family member represents the family and should respect the family dignity and maintain its pride in the community.
11. We should be moderate in our spending.

Consider Young Children

At the same time, I realize that some of these basics are very philosophical and mature.  In order to engage younger children you may want to consider devising your written constitution in a fun and interactive format.  Unfortunately, there is not much available in Islamic materials with regards to this topic.  However, the idea is well referenced in Western literature.  One of the best I’ve found for young children is available for free at:  Your Family Constitution, Making Structure Fun.  It gives an idea of ways to be creative with your family constitution and can be tailored to fit your family’s needs.

Family Roles and Responsibilities

Each family member has a unique position within the family.  It’s important that these differences be understood and that each individual’s rights and responsibilities are clear.  The Prophet Mohammed (SAWS) defined some of these roles in the following hadeeth:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

Allah’s Apostle said, “Surely! Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges: The Imam (ruler) of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for his subjects; a woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it. Surely, everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges.” (Al-Bukhari, Book 89: Volume 9, Book 89, Number 252) 

Your family constitution should also define relationships of all kinds, including the following:

1. Personal relationship with Allah (SWT).
2. Husband-wife relationships.
3. Parent–child relationships.
4. Extended and close family relationships.
5. Neighbor and community relationships.
6. Employer-employee relationships and how employment benefits and affects the family.
7. Relationship to government and the world and how this affects the family.

Even if the children are too young to understand the relationship roles, it is important that they are exposed to them, as they will become a fundamental part of their interactions as they mature.  It’s also important for the adults of the family, as the family constitution shall serve as much of a marriage tool as a parenting one.

Reflecting Family Values

When considering your unique needs, read through the earlier Parenting articles of this column.* Most important is to do your own research into hadeeth and Qur’an references to family living to design a plan that reflects your religious values and works for your family.

Article By Mohammed Al Hajjar, www.saudilife.net